Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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