All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
