you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize