Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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