The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize