Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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