we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
