note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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