You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
