Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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