My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
