Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
