are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize