this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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