My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
