Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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