if i can run in heels then i can drive
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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