for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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