so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
