I wish I could teleport
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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