somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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