i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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