I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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