she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
