i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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