You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
