There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
