Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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