What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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