Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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