Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.