You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize