Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
