I hope mine doesn't look like that
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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