In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
