i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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