My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
