Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I could fuck to npr.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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