I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
