and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
