I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
