i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
