I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
