There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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Houston, we have a blender
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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