sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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