I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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