well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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