Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
