My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
