at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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