He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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