My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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