Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
