I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
