that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
