Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
