I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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