I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize