Already got asked if we're dating
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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