Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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