why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
