I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
